It is with great joy that I announce the timely passing of Ms. I.F. Ida, a long-time resident of this area. Nobody knows exactly how old she was or when she came to town, but Ms. Ida was quite a gadabout. She loved to visit barrooms, chat rooms, courtrooms, lving rooms and even church board meeting rooms. Possibly Ms. I.F. Ida has visited your home on occasion, and if you enteratined her, she may have taken up residence with your own family. Her two favorite songs were very catchy and you may have sung them yourself. Her number one wail was "If I'd Only Known Then (what I know now)."She also dearly loved the lyrics to the popular ditty "Hindsight is 20/20."
Ms. Ida was frequently seen in the company of her friend, Mr. R.E. Gret. Although no one ever caught them red-handed, the two were runored to be quite adept at thievery.
Ms. I.F. Ida met her demise just last Monday. Investigating officers have reconstructed the scene. It seems that Ms. Ida was attempting to drive forward while looking in her rear-view mirrow. She backed her car right into the Full family's front yard. Mr. Cheer Full, followed closely by his Wife, Joy Full, rushed out to rescue Ms. Ida. The two of them quickly pulled her from the vehicle. Upon seeing the smiling faces of the Full pair, Ms.I.F. Ida experienced violent waves of nausea. Joy and Cheer Full immediately called out to their daughter, Delight Full, who operated a lemonade stand nearby. Delight ran over with a cup of the sweet drink, made from a sour fruit. When Ms. Ida tasted this, her eyes suddenly focused. The last thing she saw was little Delight's banner over the lemonade stand. She read it aloud, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade and serve it to your friends."
With a moan, Ms. Ida drew her last breath, apparently overcome by Cheer, Joy and Delight. Police officers reportedly recovered many stolen items from the backpack Ms. Ida was wearing. Among the things she had lifted from her unsuspecting victims were opportunities, relationships, memories, health and a good night's sleep. If you have entertained Ms. I.F. Ida and noticed these items missing, the Full family, Cheer, Joy and Delight, will be happy to assist you in recovering these valuables. You may find the Full family at Pleasant Places Subdivision on 16 Psalm Street, Lot 6.
Mr. R.E. Gret showed up at Ms. Ida's funeral, accompanied by his three daughters,, Coulda, Shoulda, and Woulda. The service began with the reading of Isaiah 51, verse 11 "Gladness and joy will overtake them, sorrow and sighing shall flee away." Upon hearing these words, Mr. R.E. Gret and his girls, Coulda, Shoulda and Woulda ran wildly through the door and the four have been seen no more.